unDIniably DIffeREnt

2011-04-24T21:52:00.001-04:00

:)
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

2010-11-11T12:20:00.000-05:00

When ur truly in love?Is monogamy the only option?
--Diamond

A Dope fiends blues

2010-10-04T00:33:00.001-04:00

Spell you call it

An experience of emotion...

Or my lessons to be learned to build understanding of value...

Pains to be felt in order to continue times progress and process of elimination

Of unworthy and worthless attraction

Spell you call it

Daily disappointments, and rhetorical rejections

FIlled with fears founded in realities that cringe and fray bones to their core

Guarantees too obvious to be promising

Too promising to be realistic

Spell you call it

Reason for my frequent failure

Unfair and unfortunate commission to apologies

Of confusion and excuses for inexcusable situations

Criminal to an already jaded heart

Spell you call it

But do you see?

Do you feel all that the spell does to me?

Magician/Illusionist I am, but just as you are cast...

So am I

Bound to this one side of the spell, incorrectly conjured

Always mesmerizing but never capturing the intended audience

Derailed and side tracked until the intended path is forgotten

And the arrived upon destination is even more depressing than the one before.

Spell you call it

But like a fiend we are both fixed

Playing the wrong positions on the right team

Looking through the smoke and mirrors but, missing the light

Missing the chance, the opportunity or mistake

Leaving curiosity to commit to intrigue

Spell, you call it...?

Nah f that.. this is definitely a sentence.

morefireradio.com

2010-09-27T20:50:00.001-04:00

MOREFIRERADIO.COM CHECK US OUT!

2010-09-27T19:44:00.001-04:00

The funny thing about a crush is that you do have the potential to get crushed….

Mr.Incredible

2010-09-27T01:57:00.000-04:00

So for the first time since Cavemen...I am intimidated by an idea. And I have never been known to see a feat as too large or too small; however, in this very moment as weak as I feel this may make me look...I for the 1st time in a long time am in fact intimidated. And for those of you that know me well...I know you must be wondering...wth is that has this chick feeling like an ant in a room full of humans? So I called up Ty who's been someone who has seen me from the fearless 9yr old @ the Seton Falls Academy to the heartbroken young lady entering into her 21st. And we figured it out...I am becoming a lot less D and a lot more me.. And in that transition and return to corrupted naivety I haven't really figured out how to transition certain aspects of interpersonal interaction; partially out of fear of reliving the glory days (past interactions) and partially because of superseding those very days. But, like Mr.Incredible said to Mrs.Incredible

"Reliving the glory days is better than acting like they didn't happen!"

Life doesn't stop because we want it to...and we can not live Inception's Limbo for life...so rather than putting a loop on repeat and living vicariously through that...I have to find a way to kick this feeling of intimidation and return to femme fatale. So bye bye childish fears...I am back to stepping and venturing in the unknown, because you won't ever know if you don't like what is behind door number 3...unless... you open and see. =P

Technology- random thought

2010-09-27T00:47:00.001-04:00

One of the hardest things in life is human interaction. We so often in this age of technology forget how intricate and complex our daily interactions truly are. But, let's stop and think back to how we interacted 15 years ago when everyone had a house phone and the internet was slow bc no one had DSL.So now how did we go from that to the age of texting, and computer dominated and driven industries? What have our demands for frivolous convenience done to our understanding and appreciation for the intricacies of the intermingling of personalities? Now don't get me wrong...I LOVE my Blackberry and if it broke, I would feel crushed but, that level of dependency distracts from the moments which we live and creates them with a virtual world rather than a physical. There have been many wonderful things that technology has brought...but, I can't say that I wouldn't like a day with no cell calls, texts or e-mails to just be where I want with whom I want and return to the information age of demand @ a later date.

Sustenance

2010-06-08T02:25:00.001-04:00

I'm only gonna build up w/ someone who I'm not just intimately connected...we gotta be friends too bc there is much more safety in true friendship than their is true love
~~*Miss D*~~

Get Use to Getting Used

2010-06-02T17:19:00.001-04:00

"To most people, the saying "to use someone," carries a negative connotation. But, I don't see it that way. To 'mis', 'over' or 'ab' use someone is negative. To use is necessary. And if you can't be used, then you're useless." --Kanye West (w/ J Sakiya Sandifer)
~~*Miss D*~~

TUMBLR

2010-05-31T15:18:00.002-04:00

check out my tumblr undiniablydime.tumblr.com

The Idea Of "----"

2010-05-29T06:29:00.000-04:00

Ideas and ideals are often the 1st things we cling to as humans. We look for an ideal type, are fascinated or repulsed by ideas and ideals, live in countries and a world which is charged by cultural disagreement on fundamental rights/ideas. But outside of the realm of idea and ideal...lies a world of reality, some harsher than others; but, almost all of them more tangible than most principles. So often one of the two extremes takes over consciousness leaving little to no space for the existence of the other...but, as with all other things too much of one view oft proves to be detrimental. As I sit here exhausted from last night's unexpected project...I reevaluate a very recent conversation...and wonder...when it comes to relationships/fundamental interaction how many times do we fall in love with the idea of something rather than the actual object?

Its not U, Its Me...

2010-05-26T04:30:00.001-04:00

Kk...so tonight I had a convo that was soo necc months ago...and although left incomplete. I've realized a trend over the yrs...not just in my choices but, in the lessons as well. And w/ each ending, halt, pause or bump...I've allowed myself to be an emotional punching bag to so many. Typically in a parting of ways someone says "its not u, its me"...but how many times will I say that until I begin to believe that it is in fact not U but ME. Not your fault that the conquest of many girls trumps my love; not your fault that you "don't know how to show your emotions..."even tho everyday I show u mine; not your fault that you love me forever and one day will give what I want but can't give 1/4th of what I need right now; Not your fault that's easier to say "U can't or don't know how" than to work towards change unless out of fear of loss. Its my fault that even w/ sacrifice of desire my sacrifice is still not enough, my fault that things just aren't easy enough 4 u...my fault from my inadequacy to cater 2 and complete ur inadequacy...right? At times I think maybe there is something to be said about vulnerability, and honesty in emotion...Maybe there is stupidity in genuine attempts @ building foundations of sustenance. Maybe the problem is not in the mind of the counterpart but, rather w/in my inability to compliment and compensate their inabilities... Maybe. Or maybe its time I see that I should stop apologizing for being me. Stop saying sorry and crying over the pains that others inflict on me...instead of rescuing them from their action...maybe I should do better at protecting myself from pain. But if that is the case and what I decide to do...then I'd be much less me and more like many of you. So now here the dilemma lies and I could try to not point a finger...but its not like any of u try. Damned if I do, damned if I don't...I feel lost in the quest for honesty bc every honest emotion I've felt has hurt me...then people wonder y I shy away when the time comes to invest...and run away before my feelings I confess. There is no safety in honesty and I'm tired of falling w/ no one to catch me...and yes I know take a look @ who you choose...but, let's remember not every dalmatian has spots. So now what's left other than self-concious criticism building up beliefs of failure and feelings of deficiency? With stats against me and report card in hand... I look to the past and send my deepest apologies while looking at the future and giving fair warning...history 4 me always repeats.. and the most common theme seems 2 be that the problem is in fact not U, but me.
~~*Miss D*~~

Unforgettable

2010-05-25T03:58:00.001-04:00

Always gone but never hard to find, and since you can't escape me, do I ever cross your mind, becuz all of this shit is new to me... I'm learning to behave, still spending every dollar, they encourage me to save, but I'm good... I kno niggaz would kill for this lifestyle...I'm looking 4ward to memories of right now...never 4getting 4rm where I came and no matter where I'm headed I promise to stay the same.
--Drake

~~*Miss D*~~

Lost

2010-05-25T03:36:00.001-04:00

Somewhere between happiness and bliss
Change listens and plots
Outlining fullproof tactic
Infiltrating systems of protection
Until the opponent is rendered incapacitated
Twisting passions to detriments and guaranteeing loss...lost
Through unorthodox consummation and undesirable transformation
Change triumphs and an opponent's battle...lost
Transforming appearance from champion to coward
Taking all facets and fantasies
Leaving barren existences robbed of life
Filled w/ angst...Paradise...Lost
Space in time surrounded by rubble
The shattered opponent wanders
Fallen victim to the inevitable...
Simplicity now complicated
Lost ones wander...
~~*Miss D*~~

Dear Dream...

2010-05-25T03:10:00.001-04:00

Now I lay me down to sleep
Drowsily drifting into slumbers deep
Guards fall as passions ascend
While eyes close and souls mend,
Undressing protective layers
Once shackled deep within
An almost tangible dream begins.
Far from imaginary, inexactly perfected
I begin to experience beauty
Where mind and spirit are connected
Nakedly revealing truth in desire
Creating a felicitous rising to fuel the fire
Unwillingly yielding to the arrival of dawn
The verity and woe of a self-sacrificing pawn
And then as if gifted by some cosmic force
A key to a lock in reality endorsed
I wonder is this destiny or reality's reprieve?
That presents itself as refuge from habitual grief
Equally iridescent through cause and effect
Feeding individual spirit while starving the rest
No longer alone in familiar space
It is your presence dear Dream I wish to consistently grace...
So...now I lay me down to sleep
and I pray the lord this Dream to keep.
~~*Miss D*~~

Gossip Girl Quotes

2010-05-19T00:21:00.001-04:00

“And all in an instant, everything changes. We leave the past behind and speed toward the unknown — our future. We set out for far-off places and try to find ourselves. Or try to lose ourselves, exploring pleasures closer to home. The problems start when we refuse to let change happen and cling to old habits. But if we hold onto the past too tight, the future may never come. Til death do us part.”

“You reap what you sow, what goes around comes around, no matter how far you run, you can never truly escape. Everything catches up to you in the end, and when it does, it usually kicks your ass.”

This season's Gossip Girl finale was definitely worth watching... =D I can't wait for Season 4...till then I'll be reading Absalon, Absalon =P

U know U love me...xoxo. ;-*

I can be more Lloyd ft. J-Holiday

2010-05-13T00:09:00.002-04:00

This song pertains to me in sooo many ways right now...

...hmm...thoughts...

Drake's Find Your Love

2010-05-12T23:44:00.000-04:00

I've heard a lot of good and bad reviews about this video...

It's def a good concept in relation to the song...I really like it =)

H&M Fall 2010

2010-05-12T23:37:00.000-04:00

Saw this jacket and absolutely fell in love w/ it. This is def a great and inexpensive look for this fall/winter =P *hint hint* to all my male fashionistas =D

Gossip Girl quote 5.10

2010-05-12T23:14:00.000-04:00

"When the family tree falls, we all need a friend to lead us out of the woods…or into them. But be careful, once darkness descends true natures emerge and everything is fair game…until morning."

I'm Back!!

2010-05-12T23:05:00.000-04:00

Sooo I am back from vacation and rested but still living an oddly chaotic lifestyle smh. Tons of reading has been taking up my time but, I promise that I will be back to blogging regularly very very soon. I'm gonna do a post of pics from vaca...a few music posts and of course some art. I haven't forgotten ya'll =P I hope everyone is doing wonderfully =) <3

Reality

2010-04-14T00:09:00.001-04:00

So normally I don't blog about personal things directly or in too much detail but, I just need to get some thoughts off of my chest. Life is so short and while we are only young once we only get guaranteed moments with those we love even less...As each day ends we should give thanks for the things we value, the people we value, and the basic things we do which we don't value. There are many petty thing we will face in our lives but, we must not exhaust our minds on trivial manners when life will throw much grander trials before us. Everyday I almost envy the average person my age because they have less responsibility than me. And when I can I try to escape the job which is mine. But in me not valuing my position I almost lost what will be a few of the most memorable moments of my life. As each day progresses in my care for granny her level of cognition decreases, hallucinations start and mental clarity ceases. Now this in and of itself is difficult to face but, what would be more difficult would be not being around for her last logical moments though they will soon be of no significance to her...to me they will be gems I will cherish even when I can no longer hug/hold her which sad to say will not be too far off in the future. *sigh* Tomorrow is never promised today but, wasting life on anger, drama, and all other types of negativity just isn't worth it...I know many of U are wondering where I been and why outside of a handful of ppl noone's heard from me but, I just have a lot on my mind and even more on my <3. I promise I will return soon...better than before but since I may be a bit silent these next couple days...know that I love all of U that read this regardless of past/present situations. And take each day 4 what it is...A Precious Moment....2 my 2010 graduates...CONGRATS!! Time Waits 4 No One...Kisses.xoxo
~~*Miss D*~~

Gossip Girl Quote <3

2010-04-12T23:30:00.004-04:00

“When we open our hearts, we can explore a world of love and be pleasantly surprised by the people already in our life. But unfortunately our hearts are very sensitive and when they’re broken, everything around us is shattered.” xoxo

~~*Miss D*~~

14...Monsters

2010-04-11T01:28:00.001-04:00

Sometime after age 5/6 I decided monsters weren't real n that since they weren't I'd never cross their paths...boy o boy was I wrong. Ppl can be even bigger monsters than the ones folklore and "Goosebumps" make us think there are. Now I get that we all have a lil monster w/ in (some more than others) but, why is it some of the smallest or most attractive packages hide most of the worst ones? And why are these the ones that appeal most?!? This is something I've struggled w/ for the last couple of years...and after running into a monster the size of napoleon w/ the powers of the Axis...I'm really scared to look under my bed or in my closet ever again. How is it that ppl like this 21st century Napoleon can sleep @ night knowing the nightmares and dread brought to other peoples lives due to inconsiderate, selfish pursuit of personal goals and desires?? And how can we control our inner monster after having it touched by these grandeurly awful beings; and still not allow for our inner beast to grow?
~~*Miss D*~~

Artistic distraction.

2010-04-10T13:35:00.001-04:00

Excited to go see the Tim Burton exhibit!!! Its been a long time coming!!!! Prob can't take pics but def will send a review in after I go c it =P

**Update: I never made it to Tim Burton too many things deterred my plan =(**

2010-04-09T16:59:00.001-04:00

Life is 2 short 2 take the things U love and those U love 4 granted..
~~*Miss D*~~

Words.

2010-04-01T04:12:00.000-04:00

Simple
Understanding
Presenting
Enlightening
Realities
~~*Miss D*~~

Romantics...rewrite

2010-04-01T02:50:00.002-04:00

Random thought...I'm a romantic not hopeless but def a sap...

I want a guy that will do cute things w/out having to be nudged or assisted, hear a song and think of me...like I do he but, also not be scared to let me know...get me a present just cuz; bc he is just as considerate as me and knows while I'm shopping I'm prob doin the same. Someone who will leave lil hints txt msgs/emails and sometimes other things outside of texts, little signs that they are in fact thinking of me, without leaving room 4 any1 else to mistake it for them. So many of the guys that approach me for relationships or that I was in relationships w/ proved to have plenty of emotion but little romanticism. I don't wanna feel like I'm the only one writing abt u, cooking 4 u, traveling to u. I want the stuff they write love songs about...and not the Pretty Ricky, R.Kelly "Freaky In The Club" ish...nah I want that Johnny Gill, Luther Vandross, Jodeci "Forever My Lady" flow. I want respect, I want passion...I want my compliment intern and extern...I want to feel just as swept away by U as U are by me. If I make u my prince...treat me like ur queen bc that is the only way that you will ever become my king.

I wonder where all the new millenia romantics are?? Do they exist? And not the effeminate ones either...not that there is anything wrong w/ effeminacy but, its just not my cup of tea. What are some things u find romantic? What do you want out of a relationship? Hmm...I wonder.lol
~~*Miss D*~~

Dharma

2010-03-27T15:26:00.003-04:00

Dharma is the 1 stable state of truth as taught in Buddhist teaching...

Tonight I attempt the impossible
Imposing on myself and forcing limitation

Tonight I look to imagination's eye
To remind me of something familiar but, recently fled
Harboring hues of green, and fragments of fuchsia
Candy cane sweet and juvenillely pleasing
Twinkling and telling
Conveyable through everything; and initialized by nothing
Emphatically hypnotic and narcotically addicting
A sweet song seductively serenading
Inhaled habitually, holding scents of ecstasy and honey
Luring Transcendence into realms of mortality
While handicapping reason to states of irrational existence
Dewely dripping from stamen to nape
Ultimate reality repetitive but never antiquated
A combination of myth and ritual
Realistic ideal presenting current memory to essence's pleasure
An appreciation growing from tragedy's memory and promise
Serenely reflecting the obtusely inherent outwardly in
Further fading w/ worldly acquisition
Cataclysmic blessing of opposing force
Divine comedy of paradise... Summoned and delivered w/out glimmers of affliction
Free of philosophy and quest
Beautiful and limitless...
Nirvana...
Unorthodox all-natural zen
Tonight I attempt the impossible
Imposing and forcing limitation
Tonight I write...
me...happy...
Dharma.

~~*Miss D*~~

Some Newer Archan Nair =)

2010-03-26T07:03:00.000-04:00

Recognized

2010-03-24T04:06:00.001-04:00

The more I grow...
the more I see...
the more I learn...
the more I acknowledge me...
You see it wasn't until I shed my cocoon...
that I learned only without a cage would I truly find me...
to expect a bird to call me butterfly...as caterpillar...
unreasonable as it seems one day was a dream...
till transformation occurred and infancy shed...
to reveal large beautiful wings glistening red...
I strut and dance showing off my new gift...
but even with growth rejections reminders cause rift...
w/ each dark circled spot on a wing...
Michelangelo magnificent w/ love's darkest whim...
Carefully guiding from scarred to seraph
A sheperd sits among its flock
Lookin at his left shoulder, recently landed
"Red and beautiful winged caterpillar...nay butterfly."
~~*Miss D*~~

My circle.

2010-03-13T20:17:00.000-05:00

I love having you in my circle... *cheese*
~~*Miss D*~~

Storm

2010-03-13T20:09:00.000-05:00

Drops of rain
Tsunami-like in nature
Wrestling winds and kicking branches
Caressing weary spirits to rest all feelings of pain
Striking like bricks with every pang
Cornering and pushing into every crevice
Until there is no existence in space...
...just darkness...
One mask worn and secured tightly
Hiding imperfection and weakness
Giving the show of strength for all patrons 2 see
Distracting the self-evident with hypothetical
Showing just how unreliable promise is
Just like strong winds intruding upon walls
Demolishing structure and barrier
While warping minds to acquire even more time...
Forever was the chase
Fucking up the present...just some extra gain.
Weakening foundation into imagination and projecting personified pigments of pleasure
Iago's mural, manipulated
Deceptive nature forgotten but not tamed
Rolling raindrops down a windowsill
While solemnly murmuring unspoken word;
Whispering comfort to a broken ear
And tapping at all the decrepit bricks
To signal the beginning of closure.
Outside a window, heavy winds blow...
Rain kisses a tree and gropes a few leaves
Tempest like tsunami cleansing and calming
Dripping away disappointment and rescuing Hope.
Inside a heart, emotion mimics nature
Pain purifies protocol and practice
Tossing away the trivial and ushering in the tranquil
A foundation destroyed,
Sorrowful song...
Funny how different things weather the storm.
~~*Miss D*~~

Lessons....

2010-03-13T03:12:00.000-05:00

When shit hits the fan...I look around to see few of those that I unconditionally support behind me. As I grow and as I learn, if I don't learn to see most people 4 what they are...then how will I ever learn most of life's lessons??!!
~~*Miss D*~~

A Girl Like ME

2010-03-10T04:45:00.002-05:00

When our lives don’t go the same way that they used to
And I finally get a moment to myself
I will realize you were everything I’m missin
And you’ll tell me you’re in love with someone else...

Disclaimer: I am not saying there are males that aren't good people...there are males that I know that are wonderful people however, they aren't good partners...actually they are barely ok as partners they almost all lack in the understanding and carrying out of monogamy. Now while I understand that there is a certain level of maturity that comes in time that creates a person into a better partner...for those girls that are close to there or already there you'll probably understand what it is to be a "girl like me"

What does it mean to be a "girl like me"?

Now I know ya'll must wonder what I am talking about when I say a "girl like me"...soo let me break it down the way it has been repetitively delivered and communicated to me. A "girl like me" is a girl that is kind, fun and attractive; a "girl like me" is a girl that cares about those in her family and her close friends; a "girl like me" is a girl that shows great promise as a companion and many of the features of what would make a 'good' girlfriend. Now that being said while a "girl like me" is a great catch...a "girl like me" is always the promise of tomorrow to today. The issue with being viewed as the tomorrow is that not only is tomorrow not promised but, it also isn't guaranteed to appear as projected. A good girl now isn't guaranteed to be a good girl forever, and the growing trend seems to be

every good girl wanna go bad *kanye voice* and bad girls getting wifed.

and while everyone deserves their happy ending...in the present "girls like me" get shafted. Now I know what you are all probably thinking 'there are good guys out there' and maybe there are, maybe there aren't; either way "girls like me" rarely find them and too often look for the unattached, commitment fearing, lying, deceitful "guys like him"; wolves in clothing but, not even sheep-like simply their own.A girl like me looks for less than an equivalent because it is the majority, and the Heisman seems 2 be an anomaly...maybe even imaginary. A "girl like me" has no problem finding a guy but, has a hard time finding a guy in which is on the same wave length. Im soo frustrated with the repetitive statement of what it means like to me be a girl like me...yes, I am living right now quite happily being the person I am; but it is an interesting perceived position. Without building blocks a foundation is simply that...and because certain foundations replicate art rather than simple architecture the lego pieces are never delivered and the pre-project never started. This is the reality of a "girl like me"... I am not saying that living this life is unfulfilling or that I am dissatisfied with the person I am...rather, I am frustrated with hearing those 3 words. Categorization often sets boundary and binds a person to one role; I've always said in my life I wanna do as much as possible. I don't just apply that to my future achievements; also I believe that a person's being is a culmination of various things. And it is because of this that my presence as "a girl like me" bothers the hell outta me. A projected future with no present is like becoming an adult before being an infant. Real life is not the Curious Case of Benjamin Button!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm tired of being asked to wait...and told I'm too good; I'm tired of being already prepared for next month's pop quiz; I'm tired of hearing well...U know..."a girl like you"! Bc most of U talking about "a girl like me" don't even know the half of what that means and will never understand what a girl like me is...and the reason for that being... U don't take time to get to know the present capacities of me being ME here on 3/10/10 bc ur too busy forseeing my 3/10/15 a day im not even guaranteed to see!!!!!!!

but hey what do I know, its not like I diverge from the path...because even with all the complaining all I know how to be is...

"A Girl Like ME"

Sheneneh clips

2010-03-10T04:04:00.003-05:00

I was watching Martin today and I absolutely had to post this to my blog because it is absolutely hillarious...I honestly 4got how funny Martin Lawrence is! Here you go and enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"And if you don't got no rims on your hoopdy don't be trying to scoop me..."

"Thank ya'll bc without ya'll there'd be no us" lol

Ring Pop Art

2010-03-10T02:51:00.007-05:00

Saw this over @ mechanicaldummy.com and it made me thing of one of my favorite coined phrases...Always all-ways...

U see All-ways always
Was a phrase
Coined by me in my "naïve days"
It had potential in promise
But overwhelming ideal
All-ways was always making new ways to show forever always
While always was constantly looking for all-ways to
forgetting 341 or was it 143...? forgetting always all-ways...or was it sometimes most days?
forgetting clumsy or was it Numsy? I am forgetting the unforgettable...or am I?

Plus Diamond world is filled with candy, and a very amazing pet =P

RIP BIG

2010-03-09T04:02:00.021-05:00

RIP BIG...the 13 year anniversary of his death...an artist that defined and paved the way for all of Bad Boy, Jay-z, and Drake...we must pay respect to the past because helped us get to the present...ENJOY!!! =D

I made the change from a common thief, To up close and personal with Robin Leach
And I'm far from cheap, I smoke skunk with my peeps all day...Spread love, it's the Brooklyn way

B.I.G. P.O.P.P.A, no info for the D.E.A.; Federal agents mad cause I'm flagrant...
tapped my cell and the phone in the basement.

fellas grab ya **** if you love hip hop...( at the Apollo)

"Damn, why she wanna stick me for my paper?", My Mo-sci-no hoe, my Ver-sa-ce hottie
Come to find out, you was fuckin everybody....You knew about me, the fake ID; Cases in Virginia, body in D.C.

The nice guy

2010-02-24T02:16:00.001-05:00

"The nice guy always finishes last..."

This is the colloquial that has almost always turned nice guys mean...and good girls bad. But, what is the benefit of this transition from the natural to the easy? What about this sacrifice of character alludes to some of the best and nicest people out there? And what action can be taken to protect their innate nature? Or better yet my own...
~~*Miss D*~~

Random thought

2010-02-18T22:30:00.001-05:00

Make sure more is done than said...if something is meant to be yours then in due time it will be...so just call me time...bc I wait on noone...pause for no words and am affected only by action...#proveyourworth
~signed the Lady formerly known as Nums
~~*Miss D*~~

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2010-02-14T03:12:00.001-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!!! :-) I hope that everyone enjoys their day w/ someone they love or those they love =D

I had an epiphany a few minutes ago...I was talking to a good friend and ex from like 3 yrs ago today...and we were talking about how I hadn't had a real valentine ever. He brought up the gift I bought him and how much he loved it bc of all the thought and time that went into it and so I began to think; and after years of exertion and giving overly thoughtful gifts...I realize I'm ready to receive an overly thoughtful gift...I'm ready to feel just as important as I make others...so @ some point this week I am going to go out and do just that...!!!

The reason I decided to share this epiphany is because I feel many of us forget that a day of love celebrates those we love, but it should also celebrate our love for self. That being said...Enjoy the day...and go party tonight...no work tomorrow =)!!!
~~*Miss D*~~

A Night Off...

2010-02-13T02:03:00.001-05:00

A night off from parties, publicity and pretending. I had soo much on my mind and was prepared to bypass it to go out...but then due to unfortunate circumstance my plans were hindered. A completely sober, thoughtful relaxed mind has done me good...hope you liked the new addition to my collection... Enjoy your holiday weekend...however, you spend it. <3 And thanks for the follows, reads and comments :-)!! I really appreciate it =D
~~*Miss D*~~

Song of Myself

2010-02-13T01:42:00.002-05:00

Mildly inspired by Walt Whitman

That being said...Enjoy

Songs of Myself:

I am...

The perfect host,
of imperfection.
I am
the unrealistic optimist
to the everyday pessimist;
the feared intellect
so oft shunned

I am...

A lover,
call me a hopeless romantic.
I am
a daughter of Eve
w/ no Adam or apple;
The frequented trophy
Rusted w/ no polish

I am...

A celebration of life
and of love.
I am
a harbor of mortal asceticism
2 parts me and 2 parts mystery;
exactly who I've become,
but not quite who I should be

I am...

Promise,
not quite fulfilled.
I am
confused and aboriginal,
lacking acceptance;
a mockery of evolution,
the colloquial monkey's uncle.

I am...

Lost and figmented,
a gilded butterfly.
I am
a culmination
of all things loved and all things hated;
never-ending figure eight
emptily lacking completion

I am...

Beauty unnamed,
placed on publicly clandestine display
I am
Curiously crafted
Made for misinterpretation
A modern and classical mix
Grotesquely couture.

I am...

Carefully placed anthracite
Assisted by time and pressure
I am
Threatening attraction
Exuding universal pheromone
Elegantly profound
And emerald cut.

I am...

A product in the rough,
simply put...

I am...

me.
~~*Miss D*~~

Valentine's Day...

2010-02-12T08:55:00.001-05:00

Now I've been back and forth on writing about Valentine's Day and all the hoopla behind it...and just when I was about to give up on the blog idea I came across this quote

"Don't settle for a guy who calls u sexy. Find the one that tells u that u are beautiful. -BofWisdom".

Now as a newly single female I dreaded the approach of the mushiest holiday on the calendar. But this quote reminded me that while it is an almost purely materialistic holiday, Valentine's Day is also a day of distraction from the everyday to make the one you care for feel a little more special than normal. All the hoopla isn't necessary and honestly in the 2 decades of life which I've enjoyed...I have never had a real valentine outside of friends...but romantic or platonic the day should be one that reminds us of the good in love rather than inflict bitterness due to loneliness...bc afterall when we have self and love of self what other love do we need (excluding spiritual for those that are)? Companionship is a natural desire but not one I would call necessity...so rather than feed into the superficial and only see the gifts/sexy of the holiday...I probe deeper to see the positive of most single people's least fave holiday to find the beauty in it...for only through viewing beauty can an object be valued for its true beauty...Food for thought =P

But...

Whatever you do or whoever you celebrate with...enjoy the day...and more importantly the 4 day weekend =D :-*
~~*Miss D*~~

What happened to the black intellectual?

2010-02-11T04:01:00.002-05:00

What happened to the black intellectual???
This is a question that I have struggled with over the last month and a half. I understand that there are profound thinkers that are on the forefront of Black politics such as Cornel West and Valeria Sinclair-Chapman. But, what about the way in which we as Black Americans cultivate our minds...I began to watch the movie "The Great Debaters" today amidst many distractions and one thing that stood out to me is that the thirst for education of the 14 year old boy and his father with a PHD are seldom seen in today's "black intellectuals".
I know you must be saying...how could this be w/ more black students in colleges/universities now than anytime before. However, we must consider the fact that there is more opportunity now than ever before and almost anyone can go to college. What of the natural thirst to make ones mind enriched by literature outside of the classroom? What of the ability of one to create or assemble revolutionary ideas? In the '60s some of the largest contributors to the Civil Rights movement were the college students...how is it that half a decade later we barely reflect this in our generation? I am aware that times change and we change with the times...however, where did our appreciation for the opportunities bestowed upon us go? Many of our grandparents weren't granted half of the rights which we view as commonplace; they busted their butts twice as hard as we do to receive less than half as much.
Yet here we are young Black America...naive and ignorant. Most of my peers even though they are in college have not completely read more than 5 unassigned books in their lives...how did we go from slave children hiding to learn how to spell our names, to free children who don't even take the time to expand our vocabularies beyond a 7th grade level??? Where did the overall drive as a people go? How did we become so complacent??
Education is key yet, everyday so many of our youth throw it away. There are so few publicized examples of educational upliftment that while their are more black student numbers on college demographic charts there aren't even half as many true intellectuals. When I turn on the television and see the depiction of our people, I wonder what leaders like Malcolm, Martin and Booker T. would say if they were alive today. Yes I will admit that not all of it is bad...our president is black(well half at least)! But, our overall portrayal is compromised by entertainment television channels (such as BET, VH1, MTV) filled w/ reality shows which feed into racial stereotyping, and detrimentally demean the overall perception of most people in Black America. I realize that the national portrayal and understanding of Black culture has almost always been misconstrued but, catering to stereotype does not assist in improving cultural understanding.
But, now back to the search for the Black intellectual...where are the Ellisons, Hughes' and Hurstons of our generation? The Dunhams and Aileys? What do we as a generation stand for? What do we support?? How self-educated are we? And how much of our "righteous mind" is cultivated and used? Are we racially aware? Do we care of the becomings of our communities future outside of our own? What truths do we uphold? And what common goals and beliefs do we share? I get that in 2010 many people believe that we should be beyond questions of racial upliftment...but Black people take a look around your communities...are most of the shops black owned? No. Are most of the workers from your neighborhood of your culture? No!! Many other ethnic based communities have risen further above oppression in shorter time with less legislative help than us...why? Let us as young people stop making excuses, open our eyes and minds and begin to act on our own potential...rather than accept what we are told our potential is. Without evolution in thought and rejuvenation in spirit we will continue to lose the potential in our peers and younger ones to the streets; we will continue to lose our men to prisons; and we will continue to lose ourselves to ignorance.
Somewhere between equality and corporate opportunity the communal focus shifted from creating thinkers and progressive leaders to creating athletes, entertainers and investment bankers or lawyers. All of these occupations honest and worthwhile but, hardly developmental. I acknowledge that there is plenty of talent and education in Black America today...but think on the difference in dynamic between a progressive, independently knowledgeable yet scholarly educated brain such as W.E.B. DuBois and the collegiately molded, media influenced brains of our time...
So I rephrase and expand my question...What happened to the Black intellectual? Does the intellectual even truly exist in today's society? Or has this existence become irrelevant to social and cultural development in present day Black America?
~~*Miss D*~~

10 ways to go from Girlfriend to wife

2010-02-10T20:11:00.001-05:00

Author Steven James Dixon gives 10 Ways to go from Gilfriend to Wife:

"Be a Woman All Day, Everywhere
Have respect, pride and dignity for yourself. If you let your friends take advantage of you, so will your man. If you come home crying about your job every day without being proactive about getting a new one, your man is not going to find that attractive. Be sexy, sweet, sassy, feminine and most of all, be womanly.

Be Independent
Not just financially, but be an independent thinker overall. Take the time to learn you and what works best for you instead of taking someone else's advice and forcing yourself into a box. Your core person should not change simply because you are in a relationship. Be independent of your man and have your own life.

Stay On Your Tippy Toes
Don't get comfortable and lazy on your man. Don't just think that he is going to marry you because you have been together for a few years. Get fine-ER, get smart-ER, be bett-ER. A man wants to see growth in you and wants to be excited about who you will be in the future.

Turn His House Into a Home
As a single brother, my crib had the bare necessities. A woman came by one day and slowly started to upgrade my stuff in a very subtle but profound way because no woman had ever done it before. First it was a couple nice decorative candles; then she replaced my pictures and artwork. She helped me paint a couple of rooms in my house. I was like "She knows what she doing, I am going to marry her."

Be a Godly Woman
There is just something sexy to me about a Godly woman. You want a Godly man, don't you? The Bible is a relationship handbook. Read it. Follow it. Live by it. When your man is weak, you need to be able to refer to that word. When the Devil attacks, he needs to know that you know God.

Watch His Momma, Do What She Do
You don't have to be his Momma, but you should try to be in her likeness. Here is an example: during the holidays when you were at your man's family home, if his grandma, momma and auntie were all in the kitchen and you were in the den watching the game with him, y'all probably had the best time ever, right? But guess what, he's probably going to break up with you. You should be in that kitchen with his female relatives or else go and find yourself a man whose mother can't cook.

Challenge Him
If a man doesn't have to respect you, he won't. I tell people all the time, if my wife would allow me to have a girlfriend I would, and I go to church every Sunday. A man is not going to do the right thing unless he knows that if he does the wrong thing it will be met with repercussions and consequences.

Be His Biggest Fan
Women need love. Men need their egos stroked. We need your support, your encouragement, and we need to know that you believe in us. Tell him that he is a good man, that you are lucky to have him, that he is special and better than you thought. If he doesn't feel like a man, he is not going to be a good man to you.

Nurture Him
The art of nurturing a man has been lost. Talk sweet to your man and whisper sweet nothings in his ear. Hug him, hold him, squeeze him too. Being a Black man is hard but with the nurturing of a good Black woman, it's that much easier.

Be the Freakiest Person He Knows
Men talk and our number one conversation is about sex. So when a man is rapping with his friend he needs a good story to tell. At least twice a year he needs to have something that will make his boys say "Dang man, I wish my woman would do that!" Shoot, just the other day me and my wife were making this video right and…wait, let me clear this with the wife first before I tell y'all. Basically, a man has to know and believe that there is not a woman out there that is going to try harder to please him than you.

I always have found these lists interesting because I believe the author has designated himself the spokesperson for "all men" and all men are different, as well as all relationships. I'm sure most men desire alot of these things out of a woman, so I'm sure he's on to something…but that's no guarantee he will eventually wife you."

Thanks to necolebitchie.com and Egypt for the article.

What do ya'll think???
~~*Miss D*~~

My search for beauty...

2010-02-03T01:10:00.004-05:00

A conversation with my brother had me thinking about what I define as beauty...this is what I have come up with thus far:

For me my search for beauty is rooted in a desire to find something that compliments my soul intern and extern...in a manner in which a sense of symbiosm, feeling of diversity, and depiction of culmination of flawed good compliments without completing the object of perception.

What about you?? What do you define as beauty?

Treated Royally Blog

2010-02-02T22:19:00.001-05:00

mmk so tonight my goal is to get a few posts out...one of the first things I want to do is suggest you guys follow a very cool blog that one of my closest friends has started. It will be much like him a reflection of a bit of everything. He is an artist, writer and student...so his experiences will reflect many interests and talents. Enjoy and look forward to him being next week's artist of the week =P You can check him out here @ The Royal Treatment (http://treatedroyally.blogspot.com/) Enjoy!!!! =)

Black History Month

2010-02-02T00:10:00.004-05:00

After a hard day...Dance it all away. Hurt and all...my passion provides excitement and release...even with a hurt back, I am choreographing a tribute to Judith Jamison/Alvin Ailey for my students and I could not be more happy... :-D It's black history month and what better to teach my kids abt African-American culture than by introducing them to artistic styles outside of popular culture...?!! I promise I will do Ailey justice because so much of my contemporary inspiration to fuse technique and music/styles popular culture comes from the path paved by him and Miss Jamison. My excitement is utterly ridiculous. =P I took an apple break bc all this moving has got me hungry n sweating...I just could not contain my joy lol. Hopefully it will come out wonderfully. *fingers crossed* I'll upload some links for ya'll to check out later. :-D Happy Black History Month...Black or not let's all get out n learn about a rich culture while paying homage to those that helped place the talents of this race on the map. =P

The Groove to Nobody's Business

Love Stories

Revelations

ENJOI!!!!!!

R BAR

2010-02-01T19:16:00.001-05:00

I went to a bar in Brooklyn (DUMBO) and saw some really cool art work on the walls...n couldn't leave till I had a few pics...typical I know but if ever you are in NY you should definitely check out R Bar on 218 Bowery New York, NY 10012.

Mere Imitation

2010-02-01T03:22:00.003-05:00

Silver lining or mere imitation

Definitions, restricting, restraining

Person or caricature

it remains..

Everyone wants something but, noone wants anything...

Sounding oxymoronic while depicting a desire less demanding;

Partial cravings made less engagin' than partisan politics

Conversation or space, it remains...

Correcting Imagination's fictional cases...while....

Wrongfully representing all aspects of a clearly non-fictional life

Eyes open as jaded rays shine

The sky is faded, not light but, not quite dark

Blue-grey and barely bright

Sunny side down, moonlit deficiency

Depreciated of light...eyes close, minds open...

Acknowledging darkness in light...

Dichotomy of separation looking in through a 6 sided prism

Paranoia meets imitation, logic concedes while confusion overpowers...

Pressing on my mind, dilemma overcoats

Platinum lining proven to be....mere imitation.

Writtem 2.3.09...finished 2.1.10...

Unnamed

2010-02-01T02:15:00.003-05:00

Cracked ceiling notepad

Recording words of demise...from an imaginary pen.

Words as lost as the writer...

Existing only from the trace of a trembling hand

Dreams of forever...broken...

Shattered and quietly declined... Images somberly slighted

Realistic for artificial design

Providing detainment, No escape...

Space and surrounding unwillingly bound

Out of light into vacuum

Death imitates pain

Searing anguish into flesh

Piercing pathways,slicing crevices

Carving emptiness into proliferated desertion

Laying in darkness...

The hard mattress touches the scribe's back

Tormenting and taunting the trapped poet, amiss...

Sorrowfully dementing and demeaning

A soul so undeservingly mislead

Receiving the demise of the unprepared.

Misconstrued and misunderstood,

The artist's perfected search yields unattainable goal

Depicts deficient disappointing and delineating result

Surrounded by all subsufficent and mislead

Poetic yet, predecieved

Because doom is diagnosed but not betrothed

The poet contemplates areas provided and promised

Approaching no more than time...

Written, choreographed and synchronized

Tragedy presented, while masterpiece perceived

Unrenowned, unknown and unnamed... a poet recites

Cracked ceiling notepad...how after this will I ever write?

#thatthing LOVE...in 2010

2010-01-21T01:43:00.000-05:00

I was over @ honeymag.com earlier when I read this exerpt from an interview Wale recently did and it left me thinking about what I was looking for in 2010. Here's what he said...

"Wale: The irony in the pursuit of success is that once some of us achieve the dream we swore we wanted, the things that were important on the road to it tend to deteriorate — family, “friends” and often love.

When I was in early high school, I would chant nonsense like money over bitches. Looking back, I cringe. After failed relationships, failed “flings,” failed attempts at being a gigolo, player, or anything under that umbrella, I made a self declaration that 2010 will be the year of #thatthing. #thatthing is an absolute anomaly. It’s unexplainable. It soothes, it kills, it holds, it harms. It literally can grant life or death with one touch. And for this reason, many of us wear masks, metaphorically of course. Masks that cover insecurities. Masks that prevent #thatthing from capturing you in its relentless clutch. The fear of being hurt, for some, is far more important then the joy of being in love.

Women, how many men have you met who surround themselves around so many women, they wouldn’t be able to distinguish “the one” if she were right under his nose? I propose the same question to the dudes: Have you ever courted someone and did everything in your power to make her “open her eyes” (Bobby Caldwell x Common)? Yet she still wants to be in the club every other day or she tells you she doesn’t want commitment. That is her trying not to be vulnerable. That is the proverbial wall that can’t be penetrated because even the briefest daydream of #thatthing will send her into shock. #thatthing has the staring role in life’s movie. A nigga may have never experienced #thatthing, but his mother/father/sister/brother/teammate’s experiences may have been enough to instill the fear. A woman may never have experienced that thing, but her homegirl/bestfriend/play-cousin just may have made a fool of herself at a local club, go-go, movie theater or mall because of #thatthing.

I’ve decided to pursue monogamy this year because #thatthing is beautiful. I literally drove down South Dakota Avenue with a North Face coat (the big joint) some basketball shorts, a wifebeater, and Timberlands. (Nike boots were muddy) on a summer night, because I wanted to show her “how real these tears are.” I can laugh at myself now, but at the time #thatthing had me lunchin’.

Ladies, Gents — #thatthing don’t give a fuck what she/he looks like, either. Many of us have fallen victim to the I-can’t-believe-I-used-to-sleep-with-that-monstrosity syndrome. Another result of #thatthing. For fear of hurting someone’s feelings (and encouraging an angry woman to stalk me), let’s just say I once was so caught up in #thatthing, I looked past several character flaws (as well as physical) for an extended period of time.

I have to ask myself why. Is it the thrill of chase? Spending nights under the covers talking about nothing? Your partner is so “perfect” that just to hear their breath is the most tranquil feeling in the world (and completely trumps a quick nut from a jump-off.) Her sex is so good I look past the fact that she has no job, no car, no ambition, and no drive. Or ladies — maybe he f*%cks so good that you forget that he has six children and he’s only 25. The most proud can be publicly foolish. The shy guy can transform into the most outspoken. The moment your heart and hormones start to fight for control of your brain, you’re probably caught up in #thatthing.

My pursuit of #thatthing is a difficult one. I like to consider myself an unrecognizable famous person, meaning I can still do the things most 25-year-old employed black men can do, without too much attention. But at the same time, a lot of these women know who I am, (albeit never heard a song. LOL.) This is where the pessimism starts to creep in. And the paranoia that guides my judgment when exchanging numbers. Why does she want to talk to me? How long till she tells me she’s a model? I met Jay-Z in ‘99 he said he was gonna sign me. Can you ask him if we’re still good? Situations like this make the pursuit of #thatthing just as hard as shaking it off once acquired."

I believe that #thathing (love) exists exactly as he describes it. that it is not only worth fighting for but also worth waiting for...How many of you have ever experienced any of these sentiments or believe in this feeling? How many of you don't??

Virtual Space by Mykola Mytyakynskyj

2010-01-18T03:18:00.000-05:00

Found some really cool digital art by new artist Mykola Mytaykynskyj. Check out his complete potrfolio @http://www.behance.net/AzothAbsolute

G5-Gi when Performance meets Dynamic

2010-01-18T02:25:00.000-05:00

“Before I looked down in my notepad for a new rhyme there were about 4 or 5 people listening. By the time I was done and looked up again there about 13 to 24 people”

Meet Sean Corey also known as G5Gi a Buffalo, NY based hip-hop artist. Now typically I do pieces on non-performance artists but there is something about this artist's drive and determination that I find truly admirable. His "Ghetto Intelligence.." is conveyed on almost every track that he records, making him not only relatable as an artist but also like-able. Upon first listen I was hooked because his voice is neither intimidating nor monotone. His style in uniquely familiar displaying depth of artists such as Common, Talib Kweli while incorporating savvy and swag of some of hip-hops more popular faces such as T.I. and Mr.West. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to his music...he experiments with many musical styles but, stays consistent with his delivery and flow. Follow him on Twitter/G5Gi and Facebook. U can also check him out @ www.g5gi.com . I promise you will not be disappointed. =) And look out for his latest mixtape Adult Swim which drops on 1.23.10

Download his mixtape Free Lunch Here

Free Lunch!

My personal faves are Cloud Kickers =)
http://player.soundcloud.com/player.swf?url=http%3A%2F%2Fsoundcloud.com%2Fg5gi%2Fcloud-kicker-produced-by-drupey-beats&">param>

and

Chop Chop Judo Flow

Chop Chop Judo Flow

"You can get with this or you can get with that...wonder why they get with this...cuz this is where it's @."G5Gi

I wonder

2010-01-14T01:56:00.001-05:00

I wonder whether or not love is an evolving emotion which can lose intensity or if it is an emotion so rare it is often confused for its close cousin's affection and infatuation.....
Bear w/ me until my new macbook arrives

Dating myself by Poetri

2010-01-11T01:50:00.001-05:00

Everywhere I go, I see cute people with ugly people
And I can't help but to ask myself, "what does she see in that guy?"
Inner beauty? Well I have a whole lot of that.
I see these happy couples and I used to think, "what do I have to do to get a girl like that?"
And then that evolved into, "what do I have to do to get a girl?"
Now I'm exhausted from thinking
Fatigued from trying to convince myself that I'm worthy of another being
Tired of looking but not really looking so it doesn't appear that I'm desperate
Weary of being afraid to tell someone that I'm interested
In fear that they will avoid me
Consumed from being alone
No longer will I be at the mercy of women to like me
No longer will I try to look my best for women that don't know that I'm in love with them
No, all that is finished. Finito. Complete-o, no more-o
From now on, I'm dating myself
I mean I've already talked to myself so I know my conversations will be good
I've always said I wanted to be with someone that's just like me
Well, there's no one more like me than me
It's not like I'm dating my cousin or nothing
I looked it up. There's nothing in the law books that say a man can't date himself
I don't know why I didn't think of this before
I amaze myself sometimes
I laugh and joke with myself on a lonely day
Praying hard for better days
Now we can get through the rough times together
No one to impress but myself
I mean I'll probably still play games with myself
Cry to myself, lie to myself 'cause I hate to hurt myself's feelings
I'll only be looking out for myself though
But you know how women are
Once they see you with someone, all sudden, now they wanna get with ya
All sudden I'm that cute guy that is dating someone now
Well I assure you I'm not doing this to make other women jealous
I am completely happy with myself
I like myself. I think I'm attractive.
Plan to be with myself 'til the very end
Or until someone better comes along....
~~*Miss D*~~

Random Question

2010-01-08T03:32:00.001-05:00

Is there such a thing as catering too much?
~~*Miss D*~~

2010-01-08T03:14:00.000-05:00

So I wanted to update yesterday but sadly enough my macbook screen has died *sigh* so I be u bear with me as I update via cell. Every college student knows life w/out ur macbook is like death...thursday was horrid. But its now friday...ie PAY DAY...sooo let's try n make the weekend bright :-D
~~*Miss D*~~

2010-01-07T03:20:00.001-05:00

Welcome to my new followers =) I will update more in the am...but I just wanted to take some time out to say thank you for the feedback and follows =P

Vacation Pics...my amateur photography =)

2010-01-07T03:15:00.000-05:00

Jamaica '08-'09 pics

Lesson of the vacation:
"There is always a moment of confirmation that let's u know even when desire presents itself the road less traveled is the 1 most gratifying"

Archan Nair-Mazachingo

2010-01-06T03:51:00.000-05:00

Archan Nair is a self developed artist , Art Director and illustrator, based out of New Delhi, India.
Specializing in Mixed media, Illustration, and Digital Art, he has been producing visual art and interactive designs for Canon, Tiger Beer, Boss, Dodge, Microsoft, GQ, Sony etc. and he has been featured in various publications like GQ, Bak, Vanity Fair, and has been featured by Music Artists like Kanye West and more.

I think I'm biased bc of my longtime love for black and white scheming...in addition to the fact that each pieces visual complexity is enhanced with vibrant green and pink hues...I love both colors especially when used in varying hues to show progressions through pastels to neon/neon-like tones!!! Go Archan!!!!

Check out his work here and @ http://www.archann.net... =)

Puzzl

2010-01-06T03:44:00.000-05:00

Love is complicated but always w/ me...there are many pieces to a puzzle but only 1 will ever b right...that's y there is 1 piece missing only 1 person will complete me

RESONATE by Si Scott

2010-01-06T02:49:00.000-05:00

This entire collection by London artist Si Scott is soo ill to me...The liquid lines add an entirely new perspective...there is some really good art coming out of London...I'm kinda excited =) Maybe time for me to go go visit the UK its been abt a decade...hmm...

Resonate
Art Direction, Design and Illustration
Si Scott

New Year, New Thoughts...

2010-01-03T01:54:00.000-05:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! =) So now after a brief vacation from work and blogging...I am back =D!!!2010 a new decade...hard to believe that its here...when I was entering the new millenia I remember thinking 2010 is so effin far I have all the time in the world....I remember dreaming that I'd be happily w/_ _ _ _ chillin getting ready for graduation and then off to pursue a graduate career...my my how diff. my dreams are from their initial foundation...And in this grim reflection the one the thing that stands out to me is a quotation I recently read which stated

"Dreams do come true. Maybe not these ones, not right now. But someday, they're gonna."

So now going into the new decade I wanna leave all the bs from the previous decade exactly where the began and ended. A chance to start anew has my mind racing miles a minute...soo much I wanna change...soo much I want to happen...too many goals and no place to start...I feel my focus slowly rekindling and I realize that maybe it is time for me to get heavy with my pen again...I have been penning a few things...a few incomplete, a few not even worthy of acknowledging (lol) but we'll see where this goes from here.

To all of you that read this...I wish you a wonderful year filled with blessings and opulence. May yesterday's best b today's worst...Focus yields reward if pointed in the correct direction and exercised with the proper amount of patience. That being said don't be afraid to go against the grain this year...to pursue passions which have always interested you...no holds bars!!!! Remember that the greatest barrier which each of us will ever face will be those set by ourselves. :-*

The picture is sweet content by Archan Nair

Holiday Fears and Cheers

2009-12-22T23:29:00.000-05:00

The holidays are always an interesting time for me...Happy for family, Sad for humanity, and scary for me. I love my family and I am always happy when we are brought together for something positive and enjoyable. However, I am often saddened by the fact that there are soo many people out there who aren't as blessed as I am. It's weird because between the materialism and our ability to make those less fortunate feel isolated while my blessings bring me joy, my compassion brings me harsh realities which leave awkward and uncomfy undertones. Many of the ppl which are struggling during this season once had families, jobs and happiness...not everyone is innocent but, who are we to judge?!?! We are in many ways like them...just maybe a little more fortunate...I am not saying that we are the same as ppl who have committed some of the most indecent acts we as ppl can...but, I do believe that we can not judge. I also believe that most of those suffering just fell into bad circumstance; wrong place, wrong time...bad environment etc. I know all my cynical visitors will say that I am just making excuses. But, not everyone has the independent constituency needed to fight some of the trials thrown their way. All this to say, have compassion but, dont condescend; be grateful but, don't be greedy. No matter how bad things are they could always be worse...

...so, lets all....Give Thanks and Be Merry...

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!! =)

Idols (incomplete)

2009-12-22T06:30:00.000-05:00

There is something all too comforting about a blank piece of paper

Waiting to be transformed into a piece of art by words... =)

Inherently selfish I assert my position and my property...

of mind, soul and body

Serving roles defined and created by superior mind

I adorn, adore and approbate every move and detail

Command, direct, and destroy

Create...and watch life connect my dots

Conjunction of 360 degrees of placement and propriety

All encompassing Alpha and Omega

I seduce and linger after pleasures completion

Filling and fixing every ounce of addiction

Entitlement's voice bought and appropriated

I assert my role

Announce my arrival and demand my acclamation

Dear Santa

2009-12-22T02:35:00.000-05:00

Dear Santa,

I didn't know how to start this letter to you because I haven't written to you in at least 12 years; over which I wasn't always nice. But I present the argument that while I wasn't always nice...I wasn't always naughty either =). As we get ready to celebrate in the holiday of giving and the birthday of Jesus...I have one simple wish...I want the things that my little girl dreams were made of...an easy bake oven, a black car, tons of shopping money and a dream boy =) I figured since individual acquisition of these items weren't working maybe you could sprinkle me some Christmas magic and bring me everything I wanted just like when I was younger...=D Now Santa you must understand being good isn't easy there were def. some perks to being bad =) But I really really want this list this year and I remember my last xmas in england I got almost everything except my damn easy bake oven...so I'll ask for it again!!!! Bc as Riley said...Santa...you gon pay what you owe!!!! Espec since we know your lil Soo Woo to the banger secret...all red every yr?!?! really santa...#imjustsayin!! But, that is neither here nor there...I just want to be able to drive my Black G6 to work, stop by the mall buy some cute stuff, come home bake in my easy bake, shower and cuddle w/ Mr.Dream...I don't think that's too much seeing as a certain person who I will let remain nameless asked for a condo, a ring, a '54 convertible, a yacht, a check and Tiffanys...smdh talk about being demanding...lol.So now santa...this is my wish list for you...plz don't leave me here on xmas feeling blue...and if you give all i need I'll always be good for you...well almost always...ps plz get Tiani a pony...she really really needs one...I just don't know where in Harlem she'll be able to put it...lol.

Sincerely,

If you could see what I see

2009-12-21T03:23:00.001-05:00

"If you could see what I see...I wonder what you would say..."
A red flag, warning
Blinking to alert a change of pace
Slowing down hectic days and chaotic nights
A sound familiar yet faint distantly rings
Easing away daily tensions while presenting potentially promised peace...
Spotted...one single green light
Glowing in the darkness dim yet bright
Attracting and engulfing all observing

~~*Miss D*~~

Beethoven Love Letter

2009-12-20T23:42:00.000-05:00

Even in bed my ideas yearn towards you, my Immortal
Beloved,

here and there joyfully, then again sadly, awaiting from Fate, whether it will listen to us. I can only live, either altogether with you or not at all. Yes, I have determined to wander about for so long far away, until I can fly into your arms and call myself quite at home with you, can send my soul enveloped by yours into the realm of spirits – yes, I regret, it must be. You will get over it all the more as you know my faithfulness to you; never another one can own my heart, never – never! O God, why must one go away from what one loves so, and yet my life in W. as it is now is a miserable life. Your love made me the happiest and unhappiest at the same time. At my actual age I should need some continuity, sameness of life – can that exist under our circumstances? Angel, I just hear that the post goes out every day – and must close therefore, so that you get the L. at once. Be calm – love me – to-day – yesterday.
What longing in tears for you – You – my Life – my All – farewell. Oh, go on loving me – never doubt the faithfullest heart
Of your beloved L
Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.

a few self truths (compiled from 5/28/09-12/20/09)

2009-12-20T10:14:00.000-05:00

So if your in love be in love...don't let anybody stop u bc the only person that should b able too is you.

sometimes in life the hardest things become the simplest in the blink of an eye. Goodbye to the idea...hello to the reality. I will leave the dream living for when I sleep...and create my own dreamality in the present

Its easier to pick u apart than to accept u for what u actually represent...

History is a funny thing...it links us all to one another eternally long,even after we sever ties which time will forever remember.

~~*Miss D*~~

Organic Vodka...OMG THIS IS A DREAM!!!

2009-12-15T02:53:00.000-05:00

Sooo anyone who knows me well knows exactly why I am soo freaking excited about this discovery!!!! =) and the bottle will be made from 100% recyclable and recycled material!!!!!!! Spring 2010 has never seemed soo appealing =)

TOKUJIN YOSHIOKA: MAISON DE HERMÉS, JAPAN

2009-12-15T02:45:00.000-05:00

“On designing a window-display of Maison Hermès, I intended to express…a hidden presence of a person in the movements born naturally in daily life. I created a design where one can perceive someone behind the scarves as if life were being breathed into them. The window is designed with an image of woman projected on to a monitor. The scarf softly sways in the air in response to the woman’s blow.” – TY“On designing a window-display of Maison Hermès, I intended to express…a hidden presence of a person in the movements born naturally in daily life. I created a design where one can perceive someone behind the scarves as if life were being breathed into them. The window is designed with an image of woman projected on to a monitor. The scarf softly sways in the air in response to the woman’s blow.” – TY

MYSTERIOUS HEROINES OF GERALDINE GEORGES

2009-12-15T02:23:00.000-05:00

I soo want one of these pieces as a graduation present next year...NO SERIOUSLY!!!!!!

Self vs Self

2009-12-09T00:39:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I feel conflicted between who I wanna be and who I am now...they aren't very diff but I still have growin to do...
~~*Miss D*~~

Forgive them father...

2009-12-06T03:50:00.000-05:00

"I could waste my time...If shit don't work then I really aint gonna open up to anyone, ...it could add on to my trust issue or make me become even a bigger asshole "

That was a part of a convo I had w/ an acquaintance earlier... and I must start by saying that I hate the fact that men always wanna act like the reason they are the way they are can be blamed on their previous interactions. That is such BULL b/c that's like saying you became a killer because @ some point in your life you were in a situation where it was kill or be killed...*side eye* What are excuses again? lol.

I understand where he was coming from...I've been hurt plenty, lied to, beat on, I even allowed for someone to convince me I deserved and could acquire no better than what he was (a liar, cheater, abuser, disrespectful and deprived soul) ...and then over time I realized that he was wrong, soo very wrong. Now based on the argument that was presented to me if I were jaded, pessimistic, untrusting, and unavailable it would be more than understandable; but does that make it acceptable? And while I have been a few if not all of these things...one thing I realized was that I am not responsible for anyone else's stupidity or mistakes other than my own and vice versa. So if I permanently became all of these things I could not blame the men in my life because I am responsible for the person I become. I think too many of us become the things we despise and then point a finger of blame everywhere but at ourselves. I refuse to become what I dislike, and I now view every failed interaction as a lesson to teach me how to properly recognize and appreciate those interactions that will be successful.

My disposition is decided by me

I know that it is much easier said than done...but, why should you let someone who couldn't appreciate you depreciate you? Self worth is just that...YOUR worth of self...the same goes for self-percerption and self-definition. Plz Plz don't buy into the hype that your past defines your future. Your past is simply that...your past; yes some things that happen will alter your perception and possibly make you more cautious but, I firmly stand behind the idea that events contribute but do not shape us. We have the ability to shape ourselves...soo stop hiding behind excuses and defense mechanisms; venture out and pursue what you desire...Trust you, Belive in you, Put faith in you...Forgive the fuck ups you will make,the fuck ups others will make, and most importantly the fuck ups that previous, present and future lovers have and will make...ALWAYS remember...

"Real men/women don't fear falling/failing bc they know that eventually they will reach success and...eventually always comes"

...yes this is for u little one! Sometimes when you leap...you fall; other times...someone actually catches you =P

In love lost (1st draft)

2009-12-05T15:37:00.001-05:00

Foolishly sought perfection leads the lost

Overlooked for complexity, natural simplicity is

Displaying nothing more than something already discovered

Innately flawed are all meadows discoverable

Disguising hidden reverie with a search for perfect pasture

The equation incomplete, the blind search continues

Rolling time, Undulating hope, numerous plots…

Nothing.

Seeking depth in shallow water

A sheep strays

Admitting apparent defeat upon lack of pasture

Recluse is discovered

Solitary existence in this meadow of beauty

Surrounded by yellows, pinks and whites

Earthly exquisite but, of previous repertoire

The oak provides temporary protection

Foolishly sought perfection leads the lost

As faith sustains belief in foolish perfection

Thoughts on a train.

2009-12-05T15:36:00.000-05:00

Faces, multifaceted and unique
Sounds, clattering along steady lines
Movement, gestures of conveyance...actions of emotion and expression
Undiscovered potential
Splattered and scattered thoughts on a train
Patrolled by vagrant reminders of destination
Opulence and poverty, extremities in obscenely close proximity
Unaware, oblivious and uninterested
Passing and pacing contributing to the pulsation of a hypertensous heart beat
Movement, gestures of conveyance...actions of emotion and expression
Undiscovered potential
Splattered and scattered thoughts on a train

~~*Miss D*~~

Truth

2009-11-30T21:31:00.000-05:00

"Truth…Sometimes its the truth that you are trying not face or the truth that’ll change your life...sometimes its the truth that’s a long time coming or the truth you prayed would never see the light of day some truths may not be heard the way we hoped they would but they linger long after they've been said... but the kind of truth I am most thankful for is the kind you never see coming that falls right into your lap" Gossip Girl 11.30.09

The Road Frequently Travelled

2009-11-30T06:04:00.000-05:00

So today has been a very peaceful uninterrupted day...filled with a battle of self that on a typical day I easily ignore. Coming into the end of the year I realize that soo much in my life has changed and while I'm grateful for it all...I've never been one for change. That being said I've decided to start blogging again; because I have learned so much over the last few months and I don't wanna be selfish. =P

Starting with the quotation

"sometimes candor is the only kindness."

Soo many people say they want honesty until it is received and then simply cannot deal when the truth is dished straight out the pot to them.. I myself am most definitely guilty of this...however, I am learning that while

"Ignorance is bliss...honesty builds foundation that will sustain when bliss wanes"

(im soo qoutable lolz) I know that I would def. prefer to deal w/ my overly analytical mind having all the facts than to allow my at times overactive imagination to create facts. I have watched soo many of peers bypass self-truths and embrace facade because of social pressure. I, myself have hidden things about me which compose my inherent nature in order to make others comfortable...but why?? What about the acceptance of the majority makes the individual so fearful? When did reality become ruled and bombarded by striving to be no more than successful per definition of the status quo? When did honesty to self become antiquated?

I think it all begins with interaction. I have had a collection of gilded butterflies amongst friends and lovers, each more beautifully designed than the previous...but, what use is a butterfly whose limitation is mere ornamentation? There comes a point in all of our lives when we have to look around and realize the opinions that matter should never matter more than our own. This realization is what began my ongoing process of self-evaluation/growth. Greatness is only done justice if allowed to flourish and display itself. I once pursued a path too frequently traveled for it to be my own and while trying to convince myself that since it worked for others similar to me that it must work for me...I was told that

"the only thing that can come between you and your goal ...is you! If you truly want something nothing/noone can stop you..."

At the time that this was told to me I thought there was no way that this could be accurate and that was because I was still making excuses, still preventing myself from the honesty of self which is needed in order to truly progress to higher levels of intellectual and spiritual understanding. The further I pursued the road frequently traveled, the more dangerous it became to my self-identity. I became less the me I had been(spontaneous, eccentric, animated,sociable) and more the mold of the majority (limited to social confines and falsified friendships bc it is what the "status quo" defined as acceptable for me). All of this just to obtain a positive outward image...forgetting one simple thing...outward image while it is half of an image it is the lesser of the two. So while everyone wants to be liked...if its not for the real you...what's the use??

Sacrifice of self-image/Self-identity while it aids in growth it does not aid in definition. While sacrifice for goals or success is understandable it does not aid in our understanding of . What I mean by this is that while life is not simply black and white, it is not a 64 crayola pack either.(lol) I believe what leads the majority ("status quo") to success does not have to lead the whole. Over saturation of what is "normal" has all of us hiding intricacy that gives us each our own....

Je ne sais quoi.

"Women lie, Men lie, Numbers are fudged..."

It is important to be honest with yourself in a dishonest world; between the propganda and politics, honesty is scarce in an already deceptive society. Only through a willingness to self-evaluate and a desire to find honesty will we find any semblance of what really makes us tick. Now I am not saying all conformity is detrimental; I am not preaching a message of anarchy and telling bishes to burn their bras while thir bf's burn their draws...What I am saying is... once we allow ourselves to be open to honesty and truth we will be able to see things as they really are. We will become more patient with others, more accepting of individual expression and flaw, and less judgmental. I know, I know...it

sounds like Utopia...right?!

wrong...It is not the missing key to create perfection of self, its more like the building block that will aid in understanding of self and allow for independent thought to reign and maybe even produce some original/creative ideas and goals (@ least that is what it has done for me so far).

Random Thought

2009-11-29T21:36:00.000-05:00

Open ur eyes stop looking to see truth u desire...and start seeing the truth as it is!

Blossom...(unfinished)

2009-11-29T21:30:00.000-05:00

Breathe...

Once deprived and rigid
Now beautifully bloomed and ripened
Glistening from the sun with a kiss of morning dew
He rises...
Encasing ambiances of the colloquial breath
Placidly harmonious with hints of a chaotic initiation
Amicable yet aggressive
She sustains...
Momentarily separated from conjuction
Finitely bound by infinite emotion
Limited to only a limitless abstraction of existence
The reality...
Jaded and jinxed by disharmony
Neglected and nearly nixed
Only to be rescued and replenished
It blooms...
Breaths of the sun tingling down the nape of a stamen
drops of the rain caressing the bosoms of a leaf
Sound of the wind whispering promises of eternal care...
It breathes...
Accepting inevitable circumstance
Dismissing neglect and rigidity
I breathe...
Honestly, practically...
breathe me, breathe he
breathe peace...finally.

Inhale...the words keep going through my head...

Once deprived and rigid
Now beautifully bloomed and ripened
Glistening from the sun with a kiss of morning dew
He rises...
Encasing ambiances of the colloquial breath
Placidly harmonious with hints of a chaotic initiation
Amicable yet aggressive
She sustains...
Momentarily separated from conjuction
Finitely bound by infinite emotion
Limited to only a limitless abstraction of existence
The reality...
Jaded and jinxed by disharmony
Neglected and nearly nixed
Only to be rescued and replenished
It blooms...
Breaths of the sun tingling down the nape of a stamen
drops of the rain caressing the bosoms of a leaf
Sound of the wind whispering promises of eternal care...
It breathes...
Accepting inevitable circumstance
Dismissing neglect and rigidity
I breathe...
Honestly, practically...
breathe me, breathe he
breathe peace...finally.

Exhale...

Numkin...mi corazon

2009-09-13T17:08:00.001-04:00

‎Someone asked me today what does being in love mean to me...

To be in love is to love without reason...To feel beyond reason...To feel completely home in a world where it is just u 2

I allow for my <3 to speak...I know I'm in love when my mind rarely strays from you...when the most peace I find with a person is with u...when I've been with u past the typical cutoff and butterflies are still there...there is no thing as too much time...every moment is perfected by your presence....even when we fight and I'm mad my <3 is not....when I wanna share it all with u...let go of all inhibition...love u for ur mind, body and flaw...anticipate sleep after I leave u bc not only when I'm with u but when I leave u I'm still dreaming of u and desire u the most...that to me is being in love.

What's it mean to u?
~~*Miss D*~~

2009-08-10T08:36:00.000-04:00

Its almost my bday!!!:-)
~~*Miss D*~~

Wednesday

2009-07-15T08:10:00.000-04:00

Wednesday...I have always loved this day.... :-)!!! Off to work as usual...what's better than an early morning dream of the HE, a sundress and some tea??? Hmm...I dunno. Anyway, this express train is moving kinda slow and a beech need to be on time to get that overtime =P ahh well...enjoy this cool summer bc god knows when that august heat comes we will all be runnin. Lol.
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious."
~~*Miss D*~~

Nostalgia

2009-07-09T06:20:00.001-04:00

Hmm.... So I had this interesting thought today...as to whether or not I blog for therapy or for a feeling of acknowledgement/validation...what is it that makes me crave privacy yet inadvertently hint at private things publicly??? The oxymoronic nature of my being causes me to wonder how complex our heigher being is considering the fact that we are made in his/her reflection....hmm. Lol. I love my random on the way to work rambles...have a great day loves & enjoy all the positive energy this world secretly has to offer!!!! =D
~~*Miss D*~~

HE

2009-07-06T05:06:00.000-04:00

This weekend had food fam n friends...don't 4get the sauce! But between the bbq n the fam day =)I had a great time! Crazy how the simplest change can make the greatest impact! =J I kinda love living in the present...a few things to change but 4 the most part its all great. I suggest that u find something in ur life that grants satisfaction and happiness in positive and uplifting ways...I'm gonna try to make this week great. I hope u do as well!!! =)
~~*Miss D*~~

2009-06-30T22:43:00.001-04:00

I realize that my path in life consisted of things diff than planned...all I can do is count my blessings. Notice how quiet I've been, its not bc I am careless but my priorities have changed...my life isn't the same...and I'd rather not deal with anything in a negative manner. So nonchalant and immediate response is the path I choose. Vulnerability only exposed to very few. Prayer makes all things right...so I'm living once for all eternity...well ya'll know the rest =D
~~*Miss D*~~

back @ it.

2009-06-30T17:13:00.000-04:00

Mmk sooo I know I've been neglecting my blog for a while....but tons has been happening...!!! :-) I have to start by saying RIP Michael Jackson. Such a sad loss. I remember dancing to remember the time after learning the dance...and starting dance class that same year bc I found my passion. Crazy how time flies...RIP michael you will always be the greatest!!!
So now on to the other stuff...mom is here :-) and I couldn't be more excited!!!!!
Grannys bday was quite an amazing experience....I love her o sooo dearly! =D
And tHE rest of it is absolutely amazing...always always :-)
As I set my next path in life underway...I learn a lot...abt how truly blessed I am! Make sure u thank God every day for all the good things he allows to come your way! Remember things are never perfect but they could always be worse...so try to search for the sunshine within each moment that u live. =J =*
Dinner time then maybe bar hopping. Yo no se. My broken toe isn't gonna hold me down!! O noo I've got to keep on movin ::diddy voice:: take that, take that.lol.

<3 later loves. Stay blessed.
~~*Miss D*~~

Little miss...

2009-05-20T21:07:00.000-04:00

Sooo do you believe in the fairy tale story book type love?

That can't eat, can't sleep type love

Us against the world, only loving each other

Not whole till your with your other type love...

Because I do.

I believe in that candlelight dinner, and breakfast in bed type love

That stare into your eyes and instantly feel peace

Follow you in to eternal slumber and whatever comes after type love...

But do you?

Could it be my dream and your potential nightmare type love.

Because I don't want it to be a cause for fear and all things negative

Pick a fight, yell, scream and cuss to hide the truth

While avoiding happiness at all costs, type love.

Been there, done that...don't wanna go back.

So can we find a way to be...

U and me, with a happy and satisfying type love

Far from perfect yet, far from dysfunction

Wake up everyday realizing how lucky and blessed we are to have what we have...

Respecting each other @ all times without not respecting ourselves...

Nicknames with secret meaning type love...

The best kind of love...

U know that J&D, chicken baby and grumpy type love...

Authentically ours and genuinely felt type love...

Because I do.

~~*Miss D*~~

2009-05-16T16:56:00.000-04:00

Trainwreck-dawn richards. Love it!!!! :-) just spoke to my =J sooo awesome!!! =D now time to let loose....party with chichi for tha last time this summer :'( sotw- Supernova remix: mr.hudson feat. Kanye!!I feel like taking off... And I need too...SOHO calls. =D

Morning ramble.

2009-05-12T06:16:00.001-04:00

Now what is more important...that u call late? Or the fact that u call??? I feel like the effort is more important than the timing (within reason of course)...on my way to work thinking abt what the right timing would be...if it even truly exists bc it is rare that 2 ppl are on the exact same page...but I guess that it was what makes the moment u find love sooo tumultous. Hmm I wonder... My quote of the day comes from my babe =J "the only lady on my mind is already mine..."Yeah yeah I know corny but with everything that has happened in the last 2 months he has found a way to make me smile more than anyone else...my recent almost relapse to simba was frustrating :-/ but nothing good comes easy...I should just remember it shouldn't come too hard either. Ahhh well...this train is gonna take my service soon soo enough of my morning ramble. Blessings be onto you all in your daily transactions. <3 Sunshine...

Happy is what you make it.

The break up song...jovan put me on lol

2009-05-06T10:40:00.001-04:00

I wanna hear your voice but I don't want you to call I wanna see you, girl, but not see you at all I wanna make up, but I still want to fight I wanted to break up but it just don't feel right (Sitting here waiting on you) I hate you, you hate me. But still can't escape "we" And all the bullshit we've been going through lately Heartbroke, Lovesturck, telling ya'll, "It ain't me" Life without you, girl, is something that I can't see I ain't gon' lie, say, "I don't get lonely" But if only so much, I could kick it with the homies And somebody told me that you already moved on I broke up with you, you ain't supposed to get your groove on! Not now, at least wait a couple weeks Got me looking like a chump with my business in the streets Been a couple weeks, but it feel like you still there No matter how I clean, I'm still finding your hair Or some shit you forgot, or I'm standing in that spot Where you came so hard, I didn't think that you would stop But, quiet as I step, I know you miss me just a little Washed my sheets when you left but still smell you on my pillow And everything I do, it reminds me of you And everything I see, it reminds me of "we"And everytime I lust, it reminds me of us Girl, I wanna stay together 'cause I hate breaking up You ain't call me last night, what you trying to be? Strong?You'll call yourself stupid when you finally hear this song' Cause I would've took you back, I was waiting to, infact All you had to do was holler, girl, I would've just collapsed And fell into a trap and started to relapse And your ass never called so it just never happened Now I'm thinking Jasmine, Tanya, Cheraine Some ex's I can call that'll probably ease the pain I tried to follow through, but I wound up calling you Hanging up before a ring, girl, it's really all on you But you wanna get into it, make me mad, push my buttons Got us tripping over little stuff that don't mean nothing I'm sick of the suffering, the fighting, the fussing What happened to the love in the late night discussions' Bout children, and family, the future, the plan And now it's all over 'cause you couldn't understand me And everything I do, it reminds me of you And everything I see, it reminds me of "we" And everytime I lust, it reminds me of us Girl, I wanna stay together 'cause I hate breaking up Thought I'm missing you again last night' Til I remembered all the reasons that your ass left a fight It's like, dude, I really wanted this to work But you had to get your shit together first, and what's worse, I really wanted you to stay but I needed you to leave 'cause we was fighting everyday All right, not everyday, I know that's a lot on it We was supposed to be companions, but we was more like opponents Don't this song make you wanna do it one more time? Could I still be the only dude that's on your mind? I'm too proud to beg, but I'm hoping that you not I would take you back quick, girl, without a second thought But I'm caught up in my pride and I can't make the call Didn't want to break up, just a break, that's all It's been a long time, I know I probably shouldn't have left you 'Cause your the only woman that I wanna sleep next to And everything I do, it reminds me of you And everything I see, it reminds me of "we" And everytime I lust, it reminds me of us Girl, I wanna stay together 'cause I hate breaking up You say you're sick of me and I say I'm sick of you But we crazy 'bout eachother, girl, what we gon' do?Said I needed you to leave, but I hate to see you go Can't make up my mind, girl, I just don't know I wanna make this work but I'm sick of the struggle Girl, what I gotta do to make you realize I love you? I ain't gon' lie, sometimes I just don't feel you But find another man, and I just might kill you(Sitting here waiting on you)

Cumpleanos thoughts...

2009-05-01T01:28:00.001-04:00

Stuck between a rock and a hard place, I am...
Reflecting on decisions I've made, and when...
I consider the sacrifices and the time, I realize...
That maybe this place isn't where my soul resides, and if...
Everything is always better than it seems, I need...
To figure out where I want to be, so that
Each aspiration can be recognized, and....
The broken clocks time can always be right.

soul mate

2009-04-29T03:38:00.001-04:00

"People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master..."

... Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia, Elizabeth Gilbert

T.I.P (thoughts in progress)

2009-04-22T15:54:00.001-04:00

Negativity is a funny thing...it surrounds us all and we sometimes subconsciously let it affect us...a lot of the things you say are felt by many girls all the time...but the harsh reality of it all is that this is the world we live in. The ideals you and I wish for as truths will never be reached because of the chauvinist traditions which we uphold in a traditional manner. I have learned it isn't fair to deny yourself love because of past experiences but, more that u must guard your heart that much more carefully. I know it is all frustrating bc being real only seems to get you so far...but learn to make your own rules boo. Every game/system has flaws, so this game of "love" this system of being made into a trophy flip it and accept that their are perks to being in your position...but don't accept a player who if tables were turned wouldn't be your equivalent or very close to it.I am not saying become the "manipulator" in the relationship because the use of the word in its most relevant context has a very negative undertone; I am saying learn how to truly recognize the diamond from the cz(lol)...learn how to define your self worth to a point where the inadequacies which your partner recognized within themself and tried to place on u...DON'T MATTER!Cheechums once told me that just bc one man is too dumb to appreciate a gift that was submitted to him doesn't mean another won't...don't cheat yourself of your gift because others have cheated themselves of your gift. Relationships are complicated but can be beautiful...we too often focus on the negative because it is easier, but open your eyes and see that easy isn't always better...all relationships leave the initial honeymoon period but, whose to say that is a bad thing?...its up to u and your partner to keep the happiness alive!! And that initial period is not where the true beauty of love or a relationship lie, bc how well do u honestly know each other at that point? Imperfection is beauty boo...we have talked about this before...I am happy you choose not to blame those that did u wrong for what they have done but, I advise u forgive them so that you can positively move on. Its gonna be a struggle but see it as an upward battle, in which no matter what the outcome you will win...<3 D
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Tomorrow's promise

2009-04-19T19:42:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is never promised today...so mom says to stop being so petty....and it made me think and reflect on life and what I wanna change within mine and she is right...I have to grow...I have never claimed to be perfect but as these walls come closer and closer I have no choice but to go up...but, grrr I hate that I dunno what it is I wanna do. I am grateful for all of my blessings...and I know even when shit is bad it could be worse....but wtf yo???? Cristo knows best...sooo it is what it is... living once for all eternity to find the perfect future in today...i guess

Eternally Stamped w/Temporary Ink™ (WIP)

2009-04-16T06:22:00.000-04:00

Stamped...Temporarily

lucidly embroidered letter atop my left breast

secretly seething silently,savagely,slowly...slowly

into serendipity's source; sunshine's soul.

permanent intention antithetically enacted

fashionably revealing idiosyncratic, dick like thinking

inking up the core as if it were page

lacking lasting impression

while embracing all of the most inadequate deficiencies

far from needing lackluster licentious look-a-likes

portraying problems provided predominantly by current image

To guarantee a mistakes erase, and prevent the present expression on my face

Magic Marker Effect...Washable

once fiction now a reality, more relevant than the truth I once sought

ignorance and absence aiding all against which I fought

all this time creating new age excuses for accepting loss

scratching away as it seethes further...and further

into an already broken heart

Permanent Marker Effect...Lasting

commitment's facade eternally stamped

inking up the mind of a once optimistic soul

oxymoronically leaving whenever an "acceptable" suitor calls

audacious rubber culprit cultivating clear causation

while committing my being to counterfeit associations

stamped...eternally

committed...temporarily; in this bad game of association

revealing the truths of my mind's eye...

with all things around me, and all things within me

Revering the notion that I am in fact Eternally Stamped w/ Temporary Ink™.

Becoming

2009-04-16T05:00:00.000-04:00

Been caught up in my own world lately...U never know what is gonna happen next... you never know why/how...I was beginning to become soo dark, soo deprived of all things that gained me my sunshiny disposition. In life as in art every shadow affects a piece in a way that very few outside of the artist can truly understand... I thank God for every lesson I am learning at the moment...because they will do nothing more than aid me in becoming a better person =D So I am back on my positivity campaign hard body!!! and I hope that everyone joins in on it...if you have nothing positive to spread then remain to yourself...that's what I tried to do in hopes of not causing anyone grievance outside of myself. As the summer approaches I anticipate one filled with tons of life, love, and luck =D I am quickly evolving...neanderthal days are gone, dl cool j days are gone...and I am just hr. not yet arrived but arriving...and it feels great!!!!!!! I dunno why but I am far from sleepy...got tons to deal with manana. Grateful for my mom, dad and aunt...through all of our struggles they love me unconditionally

p.s. Becoming is more fun than being...bc then I am guessing just as much as you are lol. <3

Easter

2009-04-12T14:31:00.000-04:00

Grrrr!!!!! Today I feel worse than yesterday :-/

Happy Easter all. I hope your day is better than mine and filled with blessings and happiness unforseen...

...That way I may begin to feel more pleasant knowing that some of those that I care about are enjoying this lovely day.